Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize