Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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