Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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