evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
