just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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