So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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