Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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