He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
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you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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