Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
