I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
