Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
