I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
