Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
