i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
