so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
third nipple confirmed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
