You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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