Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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