Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
