thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
