Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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