wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
