if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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