My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
