I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
