He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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