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I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
