He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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