Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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