yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
