Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
