I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
