Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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