We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
