I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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