So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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