i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
