WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
