hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
