We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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