i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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