ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
