all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All I want is dick and wine.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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