we have officially lost it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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