Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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