I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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