so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
