am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
