Apparently you make a good broom.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
