Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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