Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
