I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
