at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
