I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
