did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
