worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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