life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize