Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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