the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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