she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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