I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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