i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
