i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
mondays should just be called national damage control day
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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