Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
