That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
