I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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