yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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