Barsexuality is the new black.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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