ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
