Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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