I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
