so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
