My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
