first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
