Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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