Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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