Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
