'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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