I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
