If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
