Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
