ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
