She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
