Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize