i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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