I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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